Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Best

To the anonymous donator of $175, thank you. You are absolutely the best and I greatly appreciate it. You are a wonderful example of how great people can be. You are phenomenal.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society

Hey Guys!
So while we love to poke fun and do manly things, there is something we truly care about--cancer. While I've been taking care of my grandmother the past few months who was diagnosed in May with brain cancer, this is unfortunately not the first time I've had a run in with cancer.

On December 24, 2002 my father was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was a long, hard battle with it and being one of six children, it was a struggle for our whole family. While most kids were out enjoying their high school years, I got my little brothers and sister off to school, made sure they did their homework, cooked dinner (or heated up the many frozen pasta dishes one accumulates from family friends during cancer), cleaned, and got them off to bed while my mother and father spent all their time in the hospital after working 9-5 every day. My father, while being diagnosed with cancer, suffering from blood clot after blood clot, and being diagnosed with diabetes only months before, still worked everyday of his cancer treatment and worked his chemotherapy treatments around the weekends so he couldn't miss a day of work. I watched the strongest man I've ever known battle daily with his own body turning on him. Seeing my father pale as a ghost, watching him lose weight including his dad belly, hearing him throw up every Saturday from chemotherapy, seeing him shave his head to hide the patches of hair missing, listening to my mother sob alone in her room while my Dad was at the hospital sleeping before 50/50 chance surgeries--this was my high school experience. This is why I raise money, to hope that one day teenagers don't have to go through this... so it's not their high school experience too.

Luckily for my family, my father has been in remission for seven years and is healthy and happy. Unfortunately not all families can say the same thing. Since my Dad's diagnosis my family and friends have become huge participants in cancer fundraiser events. Since my grandmother's diagnosis, I have not been nearly as active in fund raising and I'm looking for your help. Any donation, 10 cents, a dollar, ten bucks... anything! The walk is this Saturday and I'm hoping to raise 100 bucks. I would appreciate any sort of donation and I know many families out there would also appreciate it.

I'm sorry it's not the usual funny, sarcastic, or done right mean post in the world, but I promise after the weekend I'll be back to my usual cruelness. :)

**Any reposting is greatly appreciated!!!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Out First Treasury!

After polling the forums about how we can improve this very blog, we decided to make our first treasury. Still not sure how often we'll be posting on, but hopefully every week. Our first treasury is made up of some of the highlights of our critique thread. While there's a lot of ugly, creepy, bizarre, and terribly unmasculine shops that have posted there asking for a critique by yours truly, we have found some gems.

Check out the treasury and let me know what you think! These are all Metsy Approved Man Gifts!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

We're back!

Hey guys and gals, I’m back! Sorry for the abrupt abandonment of the blog. Unfortunately this has been quite the hectic summer. While I was teaching at the local court appointed youth placement, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and has since moved in with my family. Now that summer is over I’ve become her full time care giver and I’m pleased to report she is doing better, although she is still not up to where she used to be. My other grandmother was actually hit by a car and hospitalized this summer too. It was not the best summer for Metsy grandmothers and most of my free time has been spent visiting, caring for, and hanging out with the gmoms.

Now that it is October and the Grandmoms are healing and slowly starting to recover, I am getting some more free time to be able to blog and critique again. With that being said, hide your maprons and your camouflage because I’ve got lost time to make up for and I’m coming back with guns blazing.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Today is Father's Day... why are you looking at our blog?! Go eat breakfast, cook out, open or give out your Etsy-d Father's Day gifts, or whatever else you've got planned today! Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there, especially ours.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Caliente Mapron

Closely related to The Flaming Mapron, The Caliente Mapron tries to combine heat and men and it ends miserably. For some reason some people associate peppers with men. Not people who know men, but some people. There is nothing masculine about peppers. I mean what if I started selling aprons for when with an arbitrary fruit/veggies? Squash or tomatoes are no more feminine than peppers are masculine. Why then, are peppers masculine?

This seller goes on to explain their thought process: “The Man-pron is the perfect apron for guys. The long length and extra long waist ties will make any guy, from college guys to dads, look like real experts in the kitchen. And the Hot Chilis print will make any guy feel caliente!”

1.What the F' is a Man-Pron? It’s mapron.
2.What professional chef is decorated with peppers?
3.If some shlubby guy feels caliente because he’s wearing a mapron, this man either doesn’t know what caliente means OR he knows far too much about feeling caliente in women’s clothing/accessories. Nobody wins in this scenario.
4. Check out the sweet ass bow in the back.

What we love about this particular caliente mess of a mapron is that there is a convenient pocket at the neck region. I can’t tell you how often I am barbecuing and think “Gee golly… I wish there was a small pocket to keep an enveloped recipe card close to my esophagus in case I forget how to cook hotdogs.” The thing with grilling and barbecue is you don’t need a recipe card pocket because seldom do you need a recipe card when you are at the grill. Sure, you may need to know what goes in a steak marinade, but not at the grill. In fact, what a man should keep in this neck pocket is their man card, so somebody can take it from them as soon as they are seen wearing it.

The NSFW Caliente Mapron

For those who like the NSFW Surprise Flaming Mapron, these creepy maprons also come in Caliente.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Flaming Mapron

Check out the first of the five most common flavor atrocities of maprons... The Flaming Mapron!

Ugga Ugga men love fire! Ugga Ugga men love cooking meat with fire! Ugga Ugga men love cooking meat with fire while wearing fire? This mapron comes from the understanding that men haven’t evolved since the cave man days, and men (like cavemen) are proud of their fire. One thing we've noticed, the selection of fire patterns hasn't evolved much either. We've found five different sellers with their own style of mapron, using the same painstakingly tacky flames. Check out how each mapron maker used the same flames for their own twist of the unmasculine.

The All Encompassing Flaming Mapron

Dad try this on. I wanted to see what you would look like if I lit you on fire.

"Born 2 Be Wild"

No man's interests on Facebook include: fire, motorcycles, and maprons.

The Incredibly Unmasculine Patchwork Flaming Mapron

Nothing says manly like patchwork! Also, only real men wear aprons without hemmed edges and apron strings...?

The Drinking Man's Mapron

Perfect for the father who wants to embarrass his children with his lack of style AND his drinking problem!

The Surprise NSFW Flaming Mapron

No words.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


We’ve mentioned our disdain for maprons before, but we never clearly defined the mapron.

Mapron (mā’prən) n. – a fictional garment of clothing that the women of Etsy believe men actually wear during BBQ’ing, filleting fish, cooking with barbecue sauce, or other masculine cookery.

Maprons are simple creatures. In the wild, they can be seen usually in one of five types of maprons. We imagine these mapron seamstresses paced back and forth in the Jo-Ann Fabrics quilting fabric sectionwith the conundrum of finding the perfect masculine patterned fabric and decided these four types of patterned fabrics were it. Little did they know, there is nothing masculine in the Jo-Ann Fabrics quilting section. Even if they found the magical patterned fabric, assembling the pieces into a mapron automatically makes their finished product as masculine as The View.

During this week we will be posting a new common mapron flavor every day of the work week. We also encourage you to find your own favorite maprons and send us pictures and links at We will post some of our favorites this week!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Pardon Our Absence...

We’ve been all sorts of busy. There’s been graduations, moving, finding a job, blue screens of death, still looking for a job, and even a new baby! But we are back with a vengeance. Well not really vengeance, I mean nobody wronged us. But we are back and we’ve come bearing mustaches! We’ve found through awesomely mustashtic products from Etsy sellers!

First, what better way of waking up than with a hot mustachioed cup of coffee? A mustache says a lot about a person. It tells you if the person is a cowboy, evil villain, or a Frenchman. Decide what your day will be like by sporting a similar mustache on your coffee cup! UptownAvenue’s 6 upcycled mustachioed stackable mugs with a holder is the perfect gift for anybody that likes starting their day with cream, sugar, and testosterone.

Maybe the morning is too early for all of this manliness. Maybe you have a mustache, but you want people to see it while you guzzle a beer instead of waiting for the mustache surprise once you put your beer down. Or maybe you just like mustaches and drinking! Whatever your reason might be, buy these mustachioed pint glasses and shot glasses. BreadandBadger’s sandblasted etched glassware is dishwasher safe and f’ing awesome.

Last but not least, we’ve got something for the ladies, alopecia patients, and prepubescent mustache aficionados. LittleAngelsJewelry is selling handmade mustache necklaces! This necklace, which was rocked by Lydia from last season’s Big Brother, is modeled after the mustache to beat all other mustaches. No, not you Tom Selleck… Mr. Pringles!

And with that, we bid you good mustache to you and good night.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


It makes mathematical sense that:
Awesome+More Awesome=Awesomely Awesome.
If this makes sense, which it should then the same formula can be applied to the Equation: Girlfriend+Bacon=Awesomely Awesome.

We here at Metsy don't usually go for scarves or the crocheted, but we know the ladies love it. Show how much you love your special lady friend by giving her this lovely bacon and eggs scarf by TheHappyCrocheter. It's the ultimate compliment. It says, "Honey, the only thing that could make your more awesome is if you were covered in bacon." And let's face it, everything is a little better when it's covered in bacon. It's a compliment. She'll love it.

Keep Refrigerated

Bacon should be stored in the fridge until ready to be cooked, but don’t you wish you could just decorate with it instead? Luckily, DesignDude has created these bacon magnets so our homes aren’t covered with rotting bacon. We personally like the extra large raw magnets, but this smart man has a selection of different sizes and varieties of bacon.

These make great gifts for any guy with a fridge. Forget the felt bacon magnets or the "I <3 Bacon" magnets, these are the real deal. And they're cheap!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What a Glorious Scent

Who doesn’t like waking up to the smell of bacon? Pigs, Nazis, and my little sister going through her vegetarian phase. That’s it. Bacon is a widely loved scent but we cannot chain a person to the stove cooking it all day. There must be a better solution. The folks at Bleating Hearts Soap & Candle Company found that solution in their 11oz. Soy Bacon Candles.

While this seller suggests “Fool your room mates or boyfriend and fill your kitchen with the smokey smell of false hopes!” we hope if you plan on fooling your boyfriend with this candle, you do plan on making real bacon within the hour. Otherwise you’d be a jerk. A boyfriendless jerk..

Find The Bacon!

You may remember me promising a bacon week. Well guess what… It’s here! Check in throughout the week to find fun bacon flavored homemade items. As the bacon is cooking and we get together our bacon themed items, log on to Etsy and try to win your very own bacon-y things. Yes, win not buy. Etsy’s Team Bacon has hidden the bacon. Stop these tricksters and find the bacon that they’ve hidden. Below is the official blog post by Etsy’s Team Bacon”

“Etsy's Team Bacon! is proud to present our Hide the Bacon Challenge! The challenge will begin on May 17 and will end Friday, May 21. Team Bacon is giving away more than 25 prizes! Members of Team Bacon have hidden this image in the second photo of one of the listings in their shop:

When you see the "Emergency Bacon" image provided by Team Bacon member Keith of MindlessPursuits, copy or write down the URL of each listing. Remember, the Emergency Bacon image will be in the second photo spot of the listing. There will only be one bacon image per shop. The first one is on us, so click here for a freebee!

Winners will need to find 20 images to receive a prize from one of our Team Bacon shops. Here is a comprehensive list of our team shops. There are over 25 prizes to be given away, so almost everyone can win... *if* you can find the bacon! An easy way to search may be to use Etsy's search tool for our teambacon tag, or you can click on the link. Winners can contact and be able to identify 20 listings with the Bacon Emergency logo.

Look for our thread in the Promotions forum on Etsy to talk to our members, get hints or just to goof off with us.”

-Etsy Team Bacon

Okay you go find the bacon, we’ll start blogging/critiquing shops. We’ll be back around lunch.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Man's Honest Opinion

Are your duct tape wallets collecting dust? Are your man bags sticking out like sore, unsold thumbs? Maybe you have a line of maprons that you think are macho. Maybe your heart is breaking at the lack of hearts your man jewelry is getting.
Well if you are looking for genuine, 100% manly advice and criticism from your new favorite blog, you're in luck! Currently we are critiquing shops at:

Post your shop, give us a shout out, and we will gladly give your shop the up and down. Maybe if we really like you we may even feature you on this awesomely cool, badass, manly blog. Or we might make fun of you at a much later time.

PS-If you post maprons, you will be made fun of. Nobody likes a mapron.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Toys for Grown Up Boys

Being a man doesn't mean you have to throw away your old toys. I mean, what kind of a world would it be without Green Army Men, Rock Em' Sock Em' Robots, or Space Invaders? Yeah, a world not worth living in. Unfortunately, society says it's inappropriate to have toys if we're grown ups... Screw society. Better yet, outsmart society.

Thanks to the wonderful sellers at Etsy, we can enjoy our toys as men. In a professional, adult way that doesn't make it look like our homes will be featured on "How to Catch a Predator." Check out these items that will update your home, apartment, man cave, or swanky dorm room with blast from the past.

Poor green army men... We loved you so much as a small man children, unfortunately we are larger men now and we cannot play with you anymore. Our dogs loved you too and our moms didn't enjoy it when casualties happened and Lucky vomited up your dismembered bodies. Plus, it really hurts when you walk on them in the night. Now, we can enjoy you and your loyal protection from invaders again.

Yes, that's a fancy Green Army Men bowl by AmongtheZinnias. This bowl is made by the fallen soldiers we once cherished as children. We're pretty sure this inspired by the ancient Nordic tradition of melting down dead soldiers and forming them into decorative bowls perfect for paper, nic-nacs, or car keys. Yes, definitely an ancient Nordic tradition.

Another Etsy seller who likes to use the bodies of our fallen heroes from the past is coolstoppers. Let's face it, wine is not really manly. It may be romantic, classy, or hip, but it ain't manly. Coolstoppers fixed that. They've repurposed the deceased boxers we know fondly as the Rock Em' Sock Em' robots and made them into wine stoppers. Classy, meet manly.

These would make great gifts for the wine drinker, fighter, or lover of small plastic robots in your life. This is an example of alcohol+Etsy that makes sense, unlike these gifts.

Okay, wine isn't your style, but you do like the direction this post was going with the robots... Check out these Transformer glasses by MossandWillow. Do not be surprised if after buying these your kitchen gets destroyed because they've transformed in your cupboard. Actually be surprised. Don't be surprised if everyone thinks you're awesome. That definitely will happen.

Now what childhood Etsy blogpost would be complete without looking at some fantastic items that combine video games with handmade creations.

Space Invaders has invaded Etsy--specifically, the Housewares section.

These quilted cushions are BAD ASS. Why are these cushions badass? Well...
2. The quilted print features mini space invaders (also sold at voodoorabbit)
3. SPACE INVADERS, dammit!

These cushions have 81 quilted patches and come in three different Space Invader styles. Voodoorabbit, we salute you.

Did the wife or girlfriend already take over the living room with non-awesome pillows? Is your mancave without a couch deserving of these awesome pillows? Try these space invaders magnets and play Space Invaders on your fridge without a TV, electricity, or a arcade game.

Like we've already established, Space Invaders = BADASS. LittleMommaErin somehow managed to make magnets fun. Our suggestion, buy a buttload of these and recreate the world's favorite arcade game on your fridge. That, or hang up pictures or A+ papers or something.

You may have noticed we have been talking about childhood toys and video games but we've left out one major chunk of all of our childhoods. A certain Italian man. Yes, Mario. Check back later for our homage to Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and the world of Etsy.