The Caliente Mapron

Closely related to The Flaming Mapron, The Caliente Mapron tries to combine heat and men and it ends miserably. For some reason some people associate peppers with men. Not people who know men, but some people. There is nothing masculine about peppers. I mean what if I started selling aprons for when with an arbitrary fruit/veggies? Squash or tomatoes are no more feminine than peppers are masculine. Why then, are peppers masculine?

This seller goes on to explain their thought process: “The Man-pron is the perfect apron for guys. The long length and extra long waist ties will make any guy, from college guys to dads, look like real experts in the kitchen. And the Hot Chilis print will make any guy feel caliente!”

1.What the F' is a Man-Pron? It’s mapron.

2.What professional chef is decorated with peppers?
3.If some shlubby guy feels caliente because he’s wearing a mapron, this man either doesn’t know what caliente means OR he knows far too much about feeling caliente in women’s clothing/accessories. Nobody wins in this scenario.
4. Check out the sweet ass bow in the back.

What we love about this particular caliente mess of a mapron is that there is a convenient pocket at the neck region. I can’t tell you how often I am barbecuing and think “Gee golly… I wish there was a small pocket to keep an enveloped recipe card close to my esophagus in case I forget how to cook hotdogs.” The thing with grilling and barbecue is you don’t need a recipe card pocket because seldom do you need a recipe card when you are at the grill. Sure, you may need to know what goes in a steak marinade, but not at the grill. In fact, what a man should keep in this neck pocket is their man card, so somebody can take it from them as soon as they are seen wearing it.

The NSFW Caliente Mapron

For those who like the NSFW Surprise Flaming Mapron, these creepy maprons also come in Caliente.